Part of getting a second chance, is taking responsibility for the mess you made in the first place. And, don't ever make promises you can't keep.

Clifton wants me to blog again because he's bored. Yeah I know my blog is entertaining. Hahaha alrighty, I shall just post up a few pictures for you guys (and the ass Clifton) to admire. Haha and this picture of me and Jerlin is taken one year ago and I miss my hair!!







-
Had lunch/dinner at Hooters with my sister, Diandra and Lily yesterday!




Seriously, there is one difference between the waitresses in Hooters in Singapore and USA. Those in Singapore are skinny and well, boobless. While those in USA are kinda chubby and has big boobs. Hahaha I'm not a pervert okay! (Clifton, shut up) It's just so obvious, I can't help noticing it. Okay women aside, look at how yummy (and sinful) the food are! And we ate crepes (banana, strawberry and chocolate!!) after that but I forgot to take a picture of it. Hehe and it's super yummy too. Went shopping after that, but I didn't buy anything. I couldn't find the Zara blazer SIGH so depressing. Jacuzzi-ed with my sister after we got home. We were smoking hot, literally. There was smoke rising from our body!

Didn't manage to talk to baby today. Haiz. Which means I haven't talked to him for 24 hours. I really hate it and I feel like crying. I miss my baby so much. And I don't know why there's this fear lingering in my heart. Darling I can smell you everywhere.. I even smell like you cause I'm always hugging/wearing your jacket. And it hurts so much because I can't hold you tight. Because I only can hug your jacket, and not you. I miss talking to you. I miss the long chats we have on the phone. Can your field camp faster end please? HUGS and please come here soon darling. Come here and join me for university just like you said alright? I love you my one and only boo. And I will love you forever and ever ♥


Steph's in school right now and she'll be in school for the whole day (as in really the whole day, from morning to night) and I'm so freaking bored. Seriously, I'm rotting my life away over here. All I've been doing is watch 24 and Prison Break, blog like mad, chatting online, smsing and talking to babyboy, sleep and eat. (By the way I haven't been crying for two days and I'm so proud of myself!) What a meaningless life. I can't wait for school to start seriously. And I can't wait to go back to Singapore again!! Don't know when will that be though. AND, I HAVE BEEN CRAVING FOR SWEDISH MEATBALLS FROM IKEA. But Ikea is soooo far away. Been craving for it for one whole week! SIGH I'm deprived of balls. Hahaha alrighty, this shall end the post.


HOT GUY OF THE DAY: JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE!


More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cause I'd already know
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

I forgave, but I can't forget.

I really want things to work out between us, which is why I gave you so many chances over and over again. Truth to be told, I haven't regained trust in you yet. Everyday I have to stop myself from letting my thoughts run wild. I tell myself that yes you love me, and you're trying to let her go just like you said so. I tell myself that after a while, you will be mine and only mine. I tell myself that yes we will last forever, just like how you promised me we will. It's all making me so deranged. Even though it's hard at times, but I'm trying really hard to not go crazy. I want to trust you with all my heart and soul, like the way I used to. And yes, trust can't be earned overnight. But you have to do something to earn my trust. Baby if you really do love me, you will do whatever it takes to salvage our relationship. The decision is in your hands, because you are the one who have to make the choice - it's either me or her. And if you choose to be with me, I don't want you to have anything to do with her anymore. I really want things between us to be how it used to be. The ever-so-happy us who never ever quarrels. The fun loving us who always tease each other. The loving us who always talk for hours on the phone and webcam. The us who always have fun, joy and laughter together. The us who loves to sit with each other in silence, just looking at each other and listening to the radio. I love you boy, and I just want you to be happy. And honestly, are you happier with her?

You and your silly smile :)

-

HOT GUY OF THE DAY: WENTWORTH MILLER!

Have I ever mentioned how freaking HOT Wentworth Miller is? Everyone should watch Prison Break. It's the nicest show ever (Besides 24 of course). And you can see the gorgeous Wentworth Miller who never fails to melt my heart. Besides being so gorgeous, he's bloody smart too. He graduated from PRINCETON University. I guess it runs in the blood because his parents are both geniuses who graduated from YALE. Gosh, I love Wentworth Miller and I can't believe he's 35 bloody years old cause he looks like he's 25 or something. I love Wentworth Miller! But I still love Jay Chou more. And of course I love my baby Lim Seng Chye most ♥

Clifton, I can't believe we chatted on MSN for six whole hours!
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

Yes, I changed my blogskin again. Even though I really really love the other blogskin (and I actually prefer that one because this one is kinda dark and gloomy), but I chose to use this blogskin because it's based on the song "Till The End", which is our song :) Chose this blogskin cause of my darling boyfriend. Don't get addicted to this song alright. Because it's me and my boy's song. Hahaha I love you my boy ♥

Haven't talked to baby for one whole day (a whole 24 freaking hours!) cause he's having fieldcamp. Sigh. I miss you so much my favourite boy. Take care of yourself alright boo. I can't wait to talk to you again, and I'm always waiting for your call darling. I miss your sexy voice hahaha. I'll wake up at whatever time it is just to talk to you HUGS. Time, please pass by quickly so I can talk to my baby again. And so that I can see him and hold him once again. And so that baby will come over here for university soon.

(OMG baby just called me! ♥ )

Went shopping yesterday and the sale at Zara is totally outrageous! It's unbelievably cheap and I wanted to buy this white blazer (which was on sale) and it only costs USD$25! What the heck?! But they don't have my size and I was so upset. Sigh never mind. Then we watched a movie: Stomp The Yard. It's really good and there's a superrrr hot guy in the movie. Heh heh actually all the guys have pretty hot bods, cause this show is related to dance/stomping.

Okay I shall end this post with a picture once again.

21st May 2006. A special day for both of us :)

All these precious moments,
With you by my side.
Must be a gift from heaven,
That’s holding me all night.

I dont know how i found you,
I'm thankful that i have.
That i have a love so true,
To hold, to keep, to share.

In my heart, I can no longer hold inside.
All of the love i used to hide.
I'd always be with you until the very end.
In this world, there is no place I'd rather be
You are my life my soul, my world.
And through it all, i know you'll come to see.
That you're the one, till the end.

All my friends around me,
Say you'll be gone too soon.
Baby, i'm gona make them see,
We've found our way back home.

In my heart, I can no longer hold inside.
All of the love i used to hide.
I'd always be with you until the very end.
In this world, there is no place I'd rather be
You are my life my soul, my world.
And through it all, i know you'll come to see.
That you're the one, till the end.

We'll always be, till the end.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

I LOVE MY BABY BOO!
Let's stay together forever ♥

We have our fair share of good times and bad times, but I know that we will get through everything together. Only you can make me so happy and I feel so lucky to have you by my side. No matter how bad things ever get in the future, I know we will always stick by each other. Through thick and thin, for always. I love you babyboy. (I love you more than most!) And I will love you so, for the rest of my life.

No one else can make me feel like you do.
You've shared my world.
Baby thats the reason why I love you.

-

I read this from somewhere and I just feel like posting it here in my blog because I feel it's true :

"you know, sometimes, even though u really feel someone is "the one", you still gotta let go if you're unhappy. because you're depriving yourself of a chance for urself to be happy. you're holding on to a relationship purely because of memories, and the fact that you feel so attached to the person cos you guys have been together for so long. is that love? no. love isn't merely holding on to the past and refusing to let go even if it makes u unhappy to hold on. we gotta be strong and let go of a relationship that isn't working although we really envisioned ourselves marrying the person initially. because seriously, sometimes, people have to move on, and it is only this way that u can find true happiness with someone you love and loves you back. someone who makes u smile just by the thought of them, and someone who you love despite his/her flaws. you just gotta know when to let go."

Letting go isn't easy, but sometimes we just got to do it.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

I'm sorry boo, I love you so much :'(

-

I BLOODY HATE WEEKENDS.
And I'm feeling the fear.

Thank you everyone for your sweet lil messages / for scolding me and asking me to wake up / for letting me vent my sadness and anger on you / for doing all the sweet lil things to cheer me up. I really appreciate every single one of you, and it really did make me feel a lil better. I especially want to thank Randy for everything you have done - for always talking to me online and telling me to take care and cheer up, for always telling me that there are so many people in Singapore who are worried for me and who are supporting me, for the retarded and funny videos you let me watch (and you promised that there will be more coming up!), for the oh-so-nice pictures you emailed me to cheer me up. Thanks for being so sweet, and I'm not gay Randy. Haha and thank you Clifton for the thought of shipping the oh-so-gorgeous flowers for me! But USD$75 for flowers is really not worth it, so please don't waste the money. I thank God for all the sweet angels he brought into my life.


This is the funniest video EVER. It's not like the "No Pork" video (so racist and so childish) that has been going around the net lately. This video made me laugh so hard I teared. And it really brightened up my morning, a lil. Or maybe a lot :) Heh heh thank you for showing me the video Clifton!


And a oh-so-cute baby with his super contagious laughter.


Not forgetting the funny video of the S403 guys chair-racing in class.


And they did it twice.


And I miss Taufik Batisah. Haven't talked to him and haven't met him for ages :(


If a man could be two places at one time, I'd be with you.
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way.
If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die,
I'd spend the end with you.
And when the world was through,
Then one by one the stars would all go out,
Then you and I would simply fly away.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)


(MUST WATCH!)

iPhone - the coolest shit ever.

-

Why can't you just put yourself in my shoes and understand how I feel?

Darling you gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
If you say that you are mine
I'll be here till the end of time
So you got to let know
Should I stay or should I go?
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

EDIT: I seriously dont know what the hell you want from me, but let me tell you it's seriously driving me nuts. Please stop doing this to me. Please.

-

I wanted to tune back my biological clock to LA's time, so I decided not to sleep yesterday and I spent the whole night watching the new season of 24 and Prison Break (And driving myself nuts thinking about some stuffs, sitting on the couch and staring into space and crying like a mad woman - Yes, I seriously think I'm falling into depression again). Then at 9am in the morning, I decided that I really need to get out of the house because otherwise I would drive myself crazy thinking about things that I do not want to think about. So I took a shower and left home. Walked to third street (Which took me about one hour but I didnt even realize it because my mind was so occupied), and I window-shopped alone for the first time ever. I actually liked it. Maybe I needed some time alone that's why. I window-shopped for about four hours (And I think I know what to buy for baby's birthday which is coming up really soon) before baby called me and asked me to go home because it's unsafe. Headed home, read my novels, slept at 4pm and woke up at 12 midnight because I was so extremely exhausted. Shit, my plan failed. So I think I'm not going to sleep again tonight (And hopefully I wouldnt be crying again).

By the way, I want to change my blog link to: http://supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.blogspot.com But Clifton objected. Hahah I love that word, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, it's a nonsense word which means fantastic.

A picture to end off today's post:

(I don't know why the picture quality is so sucky)
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

I'm suffering from serious jetlag. (And I'm suffering from serious depression.) Just got up at 9:30pm because I only managed to fall asleep at 12 in the afternoon. Spent the whole night and morning watching 24 and reading the novel baby bought for me and flooding baby's phone with smses and blogging. Heh heh. By the way it's really terrible, and as such, I have decided not to sleep today so that I can tune back my sleeping time! Will probably be watching my favourite show of all time - 24. Heh heh Jack Bauer is so freaking COOL!

Been rotting at home for the past two days. I'm going to start packing all the stuffs at home cause we're going to move out soon. Bored out of my wits. Seriously what am I doing here - rotting my life away - when I can be in Singapore spending time with my family, my babyboy, and my darling friends? This sucks sooo bad. I hate it here and I can't wait for the 4 years to pass by quickly so I can go back to Singapore and settle down there. I've been updating my blog pretty frequently cause I have nothing else to do. I need a life. Even my sister says I need one too.

I'm going crazy. Why does life has to be so difficult? Why does loving someone has to be so hurtful? Why can't anyone just love me wholeheartedly and stop dating someone else when they are going steady with me? Why why why? I'm officially nuts, trust me. I can't stop thinking I can't stop crying I can't stop hurting. I need to get out of this house. I need to get away from everything. I wish I can just leave this place, leave this world, leave all the pain behind.

Baby I miss you so much. Haven't had a proper conversation with you for more than 24 hours and it's all because of the stupid outfield. ARGH I hate being so far apart from you. My heart is so empty without you here, and everything seems to be lifeless without you baby. Hurry here darling, I can't wait for us to go to university together. HUGS baby you know that I still feel insecure at times, and that's why I need some reassurance from you. I know you love me and you know that I love you, and baby sometimes you need to make sacrifices in love. I don't expect you to let go of her immediately, but it's been more than four months baby. I feel that I've given you enough time, but you don't feel the same. Perhaps we shouldnt have even started this relationship when you were still hung on to her. We should have waited, until you're totally over her. But what can we do now. We can't go back to the past can we? I don't know what else to say to you cause you probably wouldn't do anything about it anyway, but I just want you to know that I will always love you with all my heart, and I promise you that. I just hope you will feel the same way about me too. <3

I really don't know how much of this I can take any longer. I think I'm breaking down really soon.. Someone please help me get through this. I think I have fallen into depression - Just like how I did 4 years ago.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

I slept for 16 HOURS yesterday night.

I just broke my own record! Haha but I was really tired and perhaps it was the jet lag that caused me to sleep that long. Woke up a couple of times in between when baby called me though. Sorry I didn't talk much cause I was probably still halfway between dreamland and reality. You know how much I miss you and how badly I want to talk to you. HUGS I love you my dearest darling sweetheart boo.

The apartment is reallllly messy and gross. Luckily we'll be moving out in two weeks time, so I got loads of packing to do in the meanwhile. Everyone's having classes and I'm bored out of my wits, so you guys would probably see me online like 24/7 and my blog might be flooded with more posts :D Btw, Min Ru called me just now to tell me something uhm, funny. Or rather, yucky. I don't know what word I can use to describe it! Haha but seriously it's uhm, something I'd rather not see. Heh heh I know you love to see it honey.

And dearest Min Ru honey, remember this: You are a strong girl. Life is full of ups and downs, full of bumps, full of trials. But you will get through this because you have so many people around you who loves and care for you. Like what I said to you before, I am always here for you no matter what. Because you are my honey and I love you. I want you to be happy my dearest girl, and I know it takes time to get over this. It's hard, I know, but it's possible. HUGS don't lose your faith in love, my dearest honey.

Talked to darling best friend Melinda on the phone just now. I miss that girl, and I wish I could be there for her right now. HUGS everything's going to be alright my dear girl. Have faith okay? Relationships are never smooth-sailing and I believe you know that too. He loves you and he will accept everything about you. It hurts me to hear you being upset, so please cheer up girl. You know I'm always here for you and you can call or sms me anytime you want. I love you my best friend for life.

Charlene (I changed it to her name cause her screen name is oh-so-long) says:
omg u two look so disgustingly cute together!
Aaw baby, we look cute together huh? Haha <3

Baby, it's only been 2 days since I last saw you but it seems like forever. I miss you so much, it's driving me nuts. I want to be there to hold you, to take care of you. I want to massage you everytime your body aches because of outfields. I want to just lie on your bed while watching you pack your stuffs for camp. There's so many things I want to do with you darling. I miss hearing your laughter and that twinkle in your eyes whenever I tease you. I miss you making fun of me. I miss going to your place. I miss laughing with you and your brothers while we share lame riddles and jokes. It hurts so much inside baby, and no one understands how I feel. There's mixed emotions deep inside - love, pain, fear. I'm so scared that we won't be able to make it through this. I'm so afraid that you will leave me. I wish you're here to hold me tight, and ensure me that everything is going to be alright. I wish you will love me with all your heart, and let me be your one and only girl. I wish you will do what it takes to make me trust you again. I want us to make it through, because I can see a future ahead of us. But baby please don't ruin what we can build together. You say you love me the most, you say we will make it through this together, you say you will come over to USA for university with me, you say we will be together forever, you say you will always be my baby boy, you say we will get married in Disneyland, you say we will have our four little kids, you say we will live together in Windy Heights after we get married, and I believe you baby. I believe you, so please don't shatter my dreams. I love you my dearest fiance. Forever and ever, till the end.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

As I looked out of the window when the plane was about to land in Los Angeles, I didn't feel the sense of longing and the sense of belonging as I did when I landed in Singapore one month ago. I feel like I'm in a foreign land, and I miss the feeling of being home. I miss Singapore, I miss my family, I miss my darling boyfriend, I miss my friends. Thank you to my darling friends who went to the airport to send me off. I love you guys.

Everything seems to remind me of you babyboy. I cried myself to sleep as I listened to Jay Chou's "Still Fantasy" album onboard. Memories of us just flowed into my mind and I felt the pain in my heart as I thought of how I won't be able to see you or hold you for at least six months. I miss the times we spent together - where there are so much fun and laughter and love. And as I was watching "Almost Love" - the Korean movie we watched together last year - I could almost feel you beside me, holding my hand. I couldn't stop crying. And they had to serve Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream - the one we always ate together. I want you to be there to share it with me.


My phone was flooded with smses (20 of them) from babyboy. There are some that are oh-so-sweet, but most of them makes me want to cry. I could feel the pain he's going through. I'm hurting as much as you my dearest boy. We'll be together very soon alright? I promise you that. I will always love you with all my heart baby. Darling, you might think that you buying the novels means nothing to me, but you know what? It means so much to me. It was a really lovely surprise and you really caught me offguard. I was so surprised, and touched. This little action of yours melted my heart. I love you my boy. Thank you for everything you have done for me sweetheart. I really appreciate it.

I know we will make it through this together, no matter how tough it might be, I will still hold on to you. The distance between us cannot and will not break the love that we share. I miss you and the times we share together. I miss having breakfast/lunch/dinner with your family. I miss the fun and laughter and the retarded things we always do together. I miss just spending time with you, and doing nothing. I miss staring at you when you are driving. I miss you baby. I miss you so so much it hurts so bad inside.


Baby please take care of yourself alright? Especially when you will be outfield for this whole week. I really want to be there to take care of you. HUGS I will love you with all my heart for always, and you know you can trust me on that. And yes baby, we'll get married and we'll stay together forever. All it takes is you and me and love and just a little faith. I love you in a big "let-you-eat-the-last-piece-of-chocolate" way, and I pray that you love me the same way too (:

I hope you're reading this darling HUGS & KISSES.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

I read this somewhere:

"Seriously, I've been crying for days and nights.
Why does he still miss his ex gf even we're going steady now?
Why....
He claimed that he love me so much..
But he still miss her..
I don't have the courage to give him up..
I love him.. too much.
I hope he can forget her..
As my heart bleed..
Waiting for him is like waiting for rain in the drought..
Thus, beyond the bleeding sky.."

And I felt her pain. Because I feel the same way.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

4am in Singapore right now and my flight is in 12 hours' time. I really dread going back to LA, but there's nothing I can do. Cried buckets of tears and my eyes are so swollen now. Finished what's left in the box of tissue and my dustbin is so overflowing with used tissue paper that is soaked with my tears and mucus. My heart is breaking. I miss my babyboy, even though I just left his side 2 hours plus ago, just hung up the phone with him 1 hour ago, and will be meeting him in 4 hours' time. Baby I don't know how am I going to survive without you for months.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

I only slept for a mere two hours on Wednesday night, and there is two reasons behind it. Firstly, I was too depressed to sleep on the night itself and only managed to doze off at 4am. Secondly, I woke up at 6:30am because I was going back to MJC to visit my beloved class and friends. It was all worth it - They gave me a 06S403 class jersey (I totally love it, except that my name is printed as jess instead of jesslyn. It's still gorgeous though and I love our class spirit). And of course, as usual, we took class photos again! And as usual, Mr Hon is mean to everyone again (Heh heh). Even though you couldnt fit into the class jersey, we still love you Mr Hon!






After school ended, the SSSSSS girls went to Tampines Ikea for lunch. We had soooo much food - meatballs, chicken wings, fries, fried rice, chicken pie, cheesecake. And the funniest thing (ever) happened to us. Two of the male cleaners came up to our table and they were so fascinated by us and our jersey numbers, because there were six of us (which means there are six numbers), and that's just the amount of numbers needed to buy TOTO. So they started taking down our jersey number and said that we should come back this Sunday - In case they win, they would treat us to breakfast/lunch/dinner or whatever. It was damn funny. Five minutes after, two female cleaners came over and did the same thing. Everyone was like staring at us! Haha hilarious.





Ziqi left to school for guitar after our lunch, so the five of us walked around Ikea - one of the most fun place ever. It's like a playground. Or rather, a place where we can camwhore like crazy. Darling Iris' camera ran out of battery, so in the end we used my handphone camera (which luckily produces acceptable quality pictures). We laughed so much and posed so much and people were staring at us. But nevertheless, it was fun. Before we knew it, we had already spent more than three hours (almost four hours) at Ikea itself. Laughed so much today, it drained my energy. Thank you girls for the wonderful time. You guys truly rock my world. WE LOVE IKEA!












Went home, showered, slept. I'm sorry I wasn't able to meet you Koon Long. Really sorry. I was super tired. Meeting darling besties Melinda and Samantha today. HUGS!

No matter what I do, you are always on my mind. And there are so many thoughts that haunts me, that I can never ever be 100% happy. It hurts so much, and I dont know what to do. I dont want to think anymore, I really dont. I dont know what to say to you now. I just need you to know that I love you, and I always do. If only things were simpler.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

As I lay on my bed, hugging his jacket and breathing in the familiar scent of him that I love, listening to our songs in my iPod which makes me miss him so much that I became emotional, thoughts and images filling my mind as tears begin to overflow in my eyes, it suddenly dawned on to me. It suddenly became so clear. He was never really mine right from the start.

Happy 28th birthday to my darling husband Jay Chou.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

Leaving Singapore in 4 days' time. I guess I'm having mixed feelings about it. I don't really want to leave, because I don't want to leave everything behind. And I know that when I leave, he will strike again. I'm afraid that it will mark the end of everything. Yet at the same time, I'm happy that I'm leaving. Because I will be happier when I'm over there. It's easier to forget some stuffs, or at least it will be easier for me not to think so much. I can't wait for school to start. As much as school is boring, at least it will keep me preoccupied.

I do cherish you. But why cant you cherish me too?
And it's our fourth month now.
Do you even love me with all your heart?
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

muahaha. i just invaded messyjessy's blog. an eye for an eye you see. haha. she invaded my blog too (: hahaha. i'm her beloved smellymelly! haha. omgosh you should go see all the wonderfully sweet things she said to me (:

jesslyn is truly a very special girl. a girl so unlike all other girls. and she's my bestesterestest-est friend! :) cuz she's an owl, so she's always there for me 24/7! x) heh. and it was only after getting to know her that i started have supper at 1am. hahah. plus, riding bike at 2am to her house.. and sneaking out of home when everyone's sleeping.. etc! lol. she's changed me in many ways and influenced me greatly :) gradually, i dont know when, she started to become part of my life. haha. things seem so different without her around.. and she never fails to pop into my mind everyday. haha. it was only when i loved her that i realised how much love i can give to a friend. i never loved another friend like i love jesslyn :) i never cared for another friend like i care for jesslyn. when she's being hurt, i feel so useless and helpless if i'm unable to help her. when she's heartbrokened, my heart aches for her too. i want to give her the blessings that have been showered upon me, just so she can find her happiness again. i want to protect her, and NEVER let anyone hurt her. but regretfully, this is not within my ability.

haha. it feels as though you've been part of my life for AGES. but come to think of it, it has only been 3 years that we've really been friends. haha. it's amazing how things came to be this way yeah :) i'll cherish you always! even when we're grandmothers, we'll still be best friends :) i dont care how far you are away from me. haha. we'll still always stay in contact! haha. you know, when you were in usa, it didnt seem so far away from me, cuz i still recieve your smses, and i still know about your life through your blog (: so it seems as though you're somewhere near. haha. i cant imagine life without you too :) haha. you're the first person that comes to my mind whenever i am faced with difficulties or problems. and i know you'll always be there for me no matter what.

i'll always be here for you too! :) haha. this month you've been shedding alot of tears yeah. i really really want to help you get out of this. whatever may happens, i'll be behind you all the way! haha. cuz i know you're a smart girl who knows how to make her decisions. haha. you're a wise girl who's good at giving advices you know! haha. but when it comes to giving yourself advice, you suck at that sometimes. haha. nevermind, there's always ME to turn to! :) just gimme a call or sms, and i'll come to your rescue! hahaha.

muacks <3 i love you jesslyn:)

BESTFRIENDS FOREVER.

-love, mel:)
("v")
..'v'
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KOON LONG (:
Thank you for always being there for me, for your care and concern, for your listening ear, for trying to cheer me up when I feel down. I can't believe that I've known you for five whole years. I can say we've been through many things together, and I'm glad that we can be such good friends now. Enjoy yourself on your birthday (besides having to go to school for half a day, heh heh). I'll see you soon!

In a world of my own.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

Why does it still hurt so much? Why does the pain never seem to fade away? Help me.. I cant stop thinking, I cant stop crying, I cant stop hating, and I cant stop loving you. Take all the pain away, just as you promised me. And take my hand as we walk the road of life together.

Sometimes, I just want to run away from everything.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

Was reading through my blog archives and I realise that I was much happier back then in the States rather than when I returned. I thought it would be the opposite. Haha oh wells. I should learn to let go of things that was never meant to be mine. And to let go of those who does not want to stay. I should stop inflicting pain on myself. I should stop torturing my own heart. I should try to live on my own. Perhaps I will be a nun in the future. Haha spending my whole life alone, meditating. Well at least I'll be HAPPY.


Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be.
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

I had much fun, laughter and joy the past two days we spent together. It's been two weeks since we last saw each other and I missed you so much. I love you my boy. You are my boo and I am your boo boo, forever and ever. We'll spend the rest of our lives together. Just the two of us. Haha HUGS. We'll always be, till the end :)

I love our white Havaianas slippers.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

I want to be a happier girl. And I'm trying really hard.
Thank you Melinda for being there for me 24/7.

The past month have been a rough rollercoaster ride for the both of us. Every day, I feel the heart-wrenching pain in my heart. Every day, I shed tears of pain for hours and hours. Every day, I sit on my bed and stare in the empty space. Every day, thoughts haunt my mind and drives me crazy. There are so many times I just want to give up on us and walk away from you. But baby, I love you. I love you too much to do that. We will get through this together baby. I know we will. Because you promised me that we will stay together forever, and build a happy family together. And we agreed that promises are not meant to be broken. So please don't break your promises. Because it will break my heart.

Just sitting here with you, holding your hand.
I'm in paradise, lost in your wonderland.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

HAPPY 27TH BIRTHDAY, MR HON !
You're getting older.. Hohoho.


Btw, I WANT AN IPHONE (:
http://www.apple.com/iphone/
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

Because, I have given up.
On you, on us, on everything.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

Whenever I feel down, I will think of my babyboy. Every single time I feel alone or upset when I'm in the States, all I think of is you and I will smile. Everytime when I walk to school or when I walk home from school, you're always on my mind. Everytime I feel like breaking down, you are my motivation. You are my motivation to carry on over there, because I look forward to coming back to Singapore to see you. I always think how are you doing, what are you doing, if you're doing alright in Singapore without me. Because it hurts inside me when we are so far apart. But I guess I was being a big fool. Of course he is perfectly fine here. Without me.

I try to make you happy. Even when I was so tired on the 13th November, I still baked cookies for you until 4am in the morning just so that I could leave home at 9am to post it to you, because I wanted the cookies to reach your place by the weekend. Because it was our 2nd month. I was hoping it would make you happier, that it would make you smile, that it would make you feel loved. When I wrote out the list of 100 reasons why I love you, I thought you will appreciate it, that you will feel touched. But I guessed it never really mattered at all. I never expected much from you. Just by talking to you on the phone, it makes me happy. I know that there are times where I would be moody and all, plus you're tired in camp, and it would cause unhappiness between us. But I never ever expected that you would find your source of joy from someone else. I really thought you were faithful to me.

When I was in America, I cry alot. Because I miss you. Because I want to see you. Because I want to hold you. Because I want to be there by your side. Because I want to look into your eyes and tell you how much I love you. Because I want to sit in the car with you again. But when I returned to Singapore, I cry alot too. Because it hurts so much inside. Because I felt betrayed. Because truths were revealed. Because I felt like a fool. Because I thought you truly loved me. Because I thought you really wanted to be with me. But I guess I was wrong. My heart broke.. Into a million pieces. It can never be whole again.

I don't know what to do. This new year doesn't change anything. I'm still heartbrokened, it still hurts so much inside. I still cry every single day. I admit I am paranoid, but I have a reason to be. I don't want to lose you. I love you so much and I want to stay by your side. I want to take care of you for the rest of your life. I still want to be Jesslyn Lim and our four kids. Boy girl girl boy, remember? I still want to live in Windy Heights with you. And I'm still supposed to buy you an evo. And you're still supposed to buy me a Lexus SC430.

But if being with me isn't what you want, if it doesn't make you happy, if your heart has someone else, then you can just let me go and walk away from me. Don't play with my feelings anymore. You always avoid this topic. Everytime I ask you about it, everytime I send you a long message, you will just keep quiet. I really don't know what you want or what you're thinking. But you're not even telling me anything. What am I supposed to do? Sometimes I feel that you don't care about me at all. I need to stop thinking about this. I'm broken enough.

Help me God.. Please help me.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

Triton's the champion! (:

I love Meridian and S403!

Joining the MJC orientation today brought back so much great memories (: Loved doing the mass dance with the hundreds of people. The great loud cheer of Triton and MJC. And of course, the college anthem. It's been so long.. I love MJC (: And I felt so close to my darling classmates. I thank God for bringing them into my life. I feel truly blessed to have you guys. Thank you for everything. I love all of you!
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

My darling lovable class S403 called me at 8am this morning ((:
Even though I was so sleepy and everything, but they made me really happy.
They were all super duper cute lar! Passing the phone around the class.
And all of them said the same thing, "Jesslyn we miss you!" ((:
Haha you guys are the sweetest ever. I love you guys to bits!

Happy 18th Birthday, Chun-Chen!

Eh dearest kor, you are OLD already. Hahaha see you later for dinner! Love you tons. Take care k! May 2007 be a great year for you :) Study hard and find a girlfriend lar! :D:D
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

Today is the 3rd of January and everybody is back to the routine of dragging theirselves out of bed at 6am to go to school. I miss wearing school uniforms. I miss going to school early in the morning for flag raising. I miss recess times or lunch breaks, which is always everyone's favourite time of the day. I miss hanging out with friends after school. I miss CCHSM. I miss the long walks out of school. I miss smuggling food into class. I miss sitting by the lovely Chung Cheng lake. I miss interclass competitions and Talentime and total defence. I miss S403. I miss the soccer matches. I miss the fun times in class.

The other day when I went out with Michelle, Shu-Tzu, Siyu and Samantha, we talked about how we used to secretly raise our class pets in sec one. How we hide the guinea pig in the box in the cupboard in the cupboard at the side of the class. And there was one day it kept making noise during chinese lesson cause we havent fed it. And our teacher heard it. Haha super funny. Then the whole class were like, "Huh? what noise? got noise meh?" Then since then on, whenever the guinea pig makes noise, Sylvester would bang the table (cause he's the one sitting next to the cupboard). Hahah super funny la. And our class tortoise is still in the Chung Cheng lake :) Our poor fishes are resting in peace.

It's been really long since I posted a proper post like this. I think the three weeks I was here made me a little stronger. Even though I still cry alot, even though I still think of everything, even though I still feel the pain inside of me, I try to enjoy myself during my stay here in Singapore. I try not to let these things bother me, but I admit I fail most times. I've gone a little crazy. There are times where I would accuse him of doing this or that, and I'm sorry if it was just due to my oversensitivity. There are times where I would freak out when he doesn't pick up my phonecalls or reply my smses, and I would start flooding his phone. It's seriously scary. I'm scared myself. I don't know what's wrong with me. I need to control myself. But I just can't help it.

People ask me, "Why don't you just leave him?". I always answer them with the same answer: "Because I love him too much." Even though it hurts so much inside, but I really can't leave him. I tried, and I failed. I need him in my life. I want to stay by his side. I don't know why I'm so in love with you, I really don't. Sometimes I wish everything never began at all. Then at least I would be happier now. But what do I know? If this never started, I would have not experience such great joy in my life. I would not have found the love of my life.

I'm starting to feel emo again.. I need some time alone.

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else.
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself.
I'd rather have hard times together, than have it easy apart.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

I'm sad.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)


(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

I love my boyfriend ♥
My life, my soul, my world.
(I chose this skin 'cos of you)


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