The thing I hate the most is being lied to. I really really don't like it cause it hurts so bad, especially when I find out the truth from someone else. And especially if the person is someone whom I trust so so much. It really breaks my heart. The past two weeks have been seriously crazy for me. I don't know what to expect anymore. I'm lost, I'm hurt, I'm broken, I'm sad, I'm alone. There are so many times I want to just scream at you and confront you about everything. There are so many times I want to slap you and tell you to wake up and make up your mind. There are so many times that I just want to walk away from you and leave all the pain behind. But I can't. Simply because I love you. I love you too much. And you know it yourself. I wish you could tell me straight in my face that you don't love me anymore, that you don't need me in your life, that you will still be happy even if I'm not by your side. That way I could leave you alone. I could walk away, no matter how great the pain is. If only.. If only this never started at all. If only I could turn back time. But I know it's not possible. I don't know how long I can keep up with this anymore. I need help. I really do. Can you be the one who fix my broken heart? Can you?

And to the anonymous person, I don't want to be sad either. I really don't. I want to be the happy and cheerful girl that I used to be but I can't. Because it hurts so much inside. It's killing me slowly. I wish I am strong, but I know I'm not. I'm going crazy.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

Rest In Peace, Ci Siska.

My heart is breaking.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

I want to be happy.
Can you make me happy?
Can you stop hurting me?
Can you?
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

I'm lost. Again.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!














I love my boy and my best friends.
I love my baby and his family :)
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

Quoted from Abigail's blog:
kah wee said "jesslyn got slang!"

Haha super funny. K anyway more updates tmr. It's 2:30am now and I'm so tired. Merry Christmas eve everybody! :)
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

I finally had some fun and laughter after a week of living in misery. The past week had been a living hell, and I know that my darling friends are worried about me. (Thank you to those who smsed/called/messaged me. Thank you to those who asked if everything's alright. For showing that you care. You guys truly made a difference. You guys made me feel better.) And dearest friends, I don't think I'm going to reply the tags regarding my last few posts. Don't worry, I'm becoming stronger each day. I'll be fine.. I'll get through everything. I know I can.

S403 had a class outing yesterday. Even though majority of the class didn't turn up (either because they are overseas or at work), I still enjoyed myself. Met up with Canphylia at Kembangan at 9.45am and headed down to Harbourfront MRT. I made chocolate bread for her but she didn't eat it. So mean! Haha.. The seven of us - Me, Canphylia, Iris, Junwen, Henry, Kahwee, Wysen - had breakfast at Macdonald's before heading to Sentosa. Rotted there for about three hours before we left for Vivocity when it started to drizzle.

Oh, I forgot to mention that they bullied me! That stupid meanie asshole Junwen especially :( They forced me to ride the skyride thingy at Sentosa when they knew that I am afraid of heights. At first I was scared, then I was terrified, then I cried. They are so mean okay! Cause I was like screaming/crying/babbling, then they keep teasing me about it. Junwen and Henry keep repeating what I screamed. SO MEAN! I was scared okay. You guys are BIG bullies!

Had a little kiddy time at Toys R Us. Then we left to Chompchomp for dinner. The seven of us plus Weiwen, Ziqi, Guoguang, Gerard, Abigail, Cleo. And we had gelato for dessert, which was super duper YUMMY! We took tons and tons of pictures together! Okay, just the girls. We were snapping away with the two cameras and handphone cameras. At Sentosa, Toys R Us, dinner, gelato, bus, and even in the toilet! I bet we took more than a hundred pictures together. And we have LOADS of unglam/retarded/spastic pictures of each other. Especially darling Canphylia. She was teaching us how to make our face smaller HEH HEH :D

Oh on a random note: Me, Ziqi and Junwen wore the same slippers today! The beautiful green havaianas flipflops. We forgot to take a picture together! Haha oh wells :)

I just want to say that, I TOTALLY LOVE MY DARLING S403! <3
Pictures will be up tomorrow! :)


Love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day. Love is when you will never do anything to hurt the other party. Because you love her. Because you want to protect her from hurt, and not bring any pain to her. Look into my eyes and tell me that you love me. I want to see the truth. Hug me and promise me that you will never let me go. And remember that promises are never meant to be broken. Hold my hand, and say that you will walk with me for the rest of my life. Kiss my forehead, and tell me that you will never make me shed another tear. Don't do things that hurt me anymore. Because you know how much it hurts/affects me when you do that. It makes me go crazy. It cuts me up inside. You were the one who helped me go through my last heart break. Please don't be the one who breaks my heart now.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

To the superbly nice girl:
(Yes, it's you..)
I really like you. Alot.
Thank you for your comforts.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

Why do people like to break my heart?
Is it that enjoyable to see me cry my eyes out?

Sitting here right all alone in the middle of nowhere
Don't know which way to go
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

I hate myself for loving you.
Got a new haircut. Time to find a new boyfriend. Haha, kidding ;)
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

Mirror mirror on the wall,

I'm the BIGGEST fool of all.


I have the strangest ways of making friends:)
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

You dug my heart out.
Tore it into a million pieces.
Trampled on my torn heart.
Soaked them in salt water.

Wait, that doesnt even compare to how i feel.
Back for three days, cried for three days.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

Why is love always so hurtful?
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

Leaving for the airport now.
Bye everybody :) See you guys reaaaaaaal soon.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

Boarding the plane in less than 24 hours' time!

Flight time: 11:25pm, 13th Dec.
Flight arrival: 11:45am, 15th Dec.

Hello everyone! My last and final paper is TODAY! And it's english, which is why I am so super free right now heh heh. I had stomach cramps today and econ finals was such a killer ;( Oh wells.. Just praying that I would still be able to get an A for it, if not my As from the previous midterms would all be gone with the wind. The great and wonderful thing is that I didn't have to take my math finals today because I already got an A hahaha. I'm so so so looking forward to tomorrow! Not the english paper, but my flight back to Singapore! Oh, I think I'm bringing Krispy Kreme back. If I have the time to buy it tomorrow. Heh heh. I know people like Pearlin and Sammy Kong are desperate for it.

"The most beautiful discovery that true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart." Friends.. I truly love my friends :) Because I know that even though we are oceans apart, they would still be there for me whenever I need them. I know that distance won't break our friendship, it will make us cherish each other more. My friends brings me joy. They laugh with me, cry with me, walk with me. It's not merely the time we share together that counts, it's knowing that the friendship is there even though we're so busy with our own lives. It's knowing that the friendship is still growing and not dying. True, we may feel insecure at times, especially when we are feeling dejected. But I always know that my friends are always there for me. Friends sincerely want to know what you have in mind, and even though they might not give the best advice, they would always lend you their listening ear and crying shoulder. Life is nothing without friends.

That's just some random thoughts that has been floating around in my mind. I'm going to continue packing my luggage. And to ensure that I've brought everything back including my handphone/camera/iPod charger. Heh heh I'm SO gonna melt in Singapore! Baby said he's gonna keep me cold hahaha. Alrighty, I want to talk with Babyboy on the phone now. LOVELOVE :)

Oh and, AN UPDATED TO-DO-LIST OF MINE :)

things to do/buy when im back in singapore:
[1] get a haircut and dye my hair
[2] buy a nice and new camera
[3] buy a gucci/dior/fendi shades
[4] shopping spree at zara {hahaha}
[5] take neoprints with my girls
[6] S403 class chalet/bbq/outing
[7] bring baby home! {muahaha}
[8] loads and loads of sleepovers!
[9] major sleepover with canphylia
[10] manicure session with sam ng
[11] x'mas celebration at town!
[12] "24" dvds {season1-6}

places i want to go when i am back in singapore:
[1] vivocity
[2] the cathay
[3] east coast park
[4] windy height's
[5] meridian jc
[6] chung cheng main
[7] city harvest church
[8] far east plaza
[9] cineleisure
[10] marina square
[11] sentosa!
[12] anywhere with you (:

food i want to eat when i am back in singapore:
[1] roti prata
[2] the $1 ice cream
[3] fish soup
[4] fried carrot cake
[5] chicken rice
[6] pastamania
[7] la mian xiao long bao
[8] meepok
[9] bak chor mee
[10] hiphopjelly!
[11] long john's silver
[12] fish & co.
[13] indonesian food!

Oh, and I'm so gonna drink GREEN TEA every single day! :D



It was only 5:30pm when I took this picture!


WITH TRUCKLOADS OF LOVE :)
{ Dexin } Haha I'm perfectly normal my dear. Don't worry heh heh.
{ Ru } Take care honey. See you really soon! Hahah love you tons.
{ Mel } I CAN'T WAIT FOR CHRISTMAS <3 Heh heh. Miss you baby!
{ Passerby } Aaaw hahaha okay.. Miss her all you want heh heh :D
{ - } I wrote that its market structure is monopolistic competition!
{ Jasmine } I'm reaching Singapore this Friday! Hahaha date me!
{ Cheryl } Jahat banget!! Hahaha but I know I'm cute heh heh :D
{ Stef } Paris is such a slut please hahaha! Where's my shabu?!?!
{ Josh } Yeah I'm coming back realllly soon! Hahah can't wait!
{ Nicole } YAY I'm bringing chocolates back for you baby hahah.
{ Canphylia } OMG you're finally online! Haha miss you hottie!
{ WW } Canphylia is trying to be as cute as me.. Hurhurhur :D


LOVE, it's such a wonderful thing :)


By the way, there will be a DL dinner on 31st December. And we're counting down together too. So please tell Samantha Ng or me if you're going cause we need to book a table asap :) Thank you loves!
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

I want to be Nicole Richie. Ha ha!

I want to watch Charlotte's Web! :)
The book was great, and I think the movie will be pretty good too. (Even though I think the book will still be nicer. Hahaha) I can't wait for the movie to be released! Heh heh the pig is oh-so-cute. OMG my love for pigs is coming back <3 Hahah I love pigs and cows. I want to live in a farm house in some countryside in Australia or New Zealand or Switzerland when I retire in the future. Okay, random :D





Had one of those "life talks" with my dearest two girls who have accompanied me for music lessons for the past four months. It's kinda scary just thinking about it. Like, I don't even know what I want to do with my life. I don't even know what I want to be. Why am I even taking business as my major? I seriously don't know. Probably because it's the most general subject and it is quite safe to say that it is easier to find a job if you're a business graduate because you're probably useful in every firm. I want to be a housewife in the future! Haha. Okay seriously, I'm scared of what's ahead of me. I don't have the courage to walk life alone without my parents as my guide. (Well, someday I have to learn to be independent and step out alone.)

What if I can't get a decent job with a reasonable amount of salary after four years of studying overseas? What a waste of my parents' hard-earned money. What if I don't have enough money to use? I have to pay for my own expenses really soon. I have to pay for my transportation/food/shopping etc. What if I can't earn the amount of money my parents are providing me with right now? Life would be so miserable. What if I don't even get a job at all? How can I even survive? What if my husband-to-be cannot provide me with the lifestyle my parents are giving me right now? All the "what if"s are overflowing my mind.

Anyway, music final exam was real shitty today. Got to study for my econs final exam.
I love my babyboy more than I love chocolates and ice-cream combined! <3
GOING BACK TO SG TOMORROW NIGHT!! :) Luggage packed and all set to go! Heh heh.

Had oh-so-sinful In-N-Out for supper!
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

My lovely friends and I have decided to give up on our music final exam tomorrow because we really have no clue on what to study. Heh heh I'm sick of economics, it's really boring and I'm such a retard in that subject and this is killing me. I can't wait to fly back to Singapore! Gonna have so many sleepovers and everything :) With my darling girlfriends. I can't wait to cut my hair either. Snip snip! It's really messy already.

Was reading through the archives of a darling friend's blog. Brings back so much memories. How I miss those times. I miss the times in CCHSM. Those four years were the greatest times ever :) I miss the crazy times we had in class. I miss the late-night and "chicken-blood" class decorations. I miss mugging with my dearest friends at school or at my house or at parkway's burger king. I miss hanging out with parkway whenever we have nothing to do because it is nearest to CCHSM. I miss sitting beside the Chung Cheng lake and throwing stones in even though we were not supposed to. I miss the ordering of food to bring back to class because we were busy copying homework. I miss eating prata with the usual gang outside school. I miss walking around the school during recess or after school. I miss the long walks out of school to get to the bus stop. I miss the bubble tea shop and the wonton mee shop and the prata shop outside CCHSM. I miss the photo-whoring with Min Ru during lab lessons because we sit at the last row. I miss the dressing up for racial harmony day. I miss the practices we had for talentime competition. I miss how we would all rush to get tickets for talentime finals. I miss those trainings for total defence competition. I miss how we would all tidy ourselves up when there are news that there will be spotchecks. I miss those failure class outings (Haha). I miss those baking-under-the-sun sports meets because CCHSM was never given the seats under the shelter. I miss those basketball matches where almost the whole school would go and support the team. I miss Mr Soon's voice which would be heard every morning during flag raising. I miss the pinkies outings and Jesamel/ZLFPZ outings. I miss going to recess with Siyu/Tzu/Michelle/Yihui. I miss those postcard-writing and letter-swapping times with Laam/Sheau/Xuejun/Samantha. I miss letter-writing and chocolate-exchanging with Nicole. I even miss those NPCC times - the early mornings, the morning physical training, the polishing of boots, the marching under the scorching hot sun, the rushing because of the time limit, the good times our squad shared together. I miss going to City Harvest Church. With my lovely cell group.

Alright, it's time to go to bed. It's pretty late now. Feeling nostalgic.
CHUNG CHENG WILL ALWAYS BE MY SECOND HOME :)
I miss my darling boy.. He's the best boyfriend on earth <3


REPLIES :)
{ Dexin } Chill girl! We'll hang out on the 22nd, just the two of us :)
{ Ru } HONEY where have you been? I miss you like crazy! <3
{ Nicole } Haha aaw baby you always make me feel so loved!
{ Jenna } I dont even have your picture my dearest heh heh.
{ Abby } Hahaha SUNSHINE :) I miss you sweetie! HUGS.
{ Mel } BFF update me NOW! Hahaha you silly girl. Love you!
{ Samng } I'll start puking orchard again haha! I will miss the east.
{ Ziqi } Coming back reallllly soon! Heh heh I miss you confidante!
{ Josh } Stop crapping with me.. Hahaha where have you been!
{ Chuilaam } Yes yes! Haha I love you Laam Laam Durian heh heh.
{ Passerby } Why you miss steph and dont miss me?! Hahaha.
{ Glglgl/Bear/Pokerzor } LOL crazy glglgl. Heh heh :)
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

FINAL EXAM STARTS TOMORROW!
Good luck to me and everyone else :))
[I'm really not in the mood to study]

Tag replies in next post <3
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

I'm damn bored. I'm supposed to be studying for my finals, which starts 2 days later. I can't believe I'm going back to Singapore in FIVE days' time! YAY YAY YAY :) I can't wait. Hahaha btw, I received my birthday present from Samantha and Melinda today. Heh heh. It's the cutest gift ever - A personalized BIKINI. Hahaha on the card, they wrote "TO OUR BIKINI LAO DA". What the hell!? LOL they say I'm the one who introduced bikini into their lives HAHAHA. Damn funny. And they bought a plain bikini and sewed some stuffs on, which is really sweeet :) The thing is, they want me to wear it and pose and take pictures and send it to them. HAHAHA sorry bestfriends, I AM SHY!

I ate a lot today. Dont know why. Just very hungry hahaha. I need to study now :( Toodles.


Starbucks - Oligopoly or Monopolistic competition?
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

Darling ChuiLaam is discharged already! YAY Praise the Lord :) I love you Laam. Take care of yourself okay. HUGS!

-

jazreeeeeeeel! says:
:( wo hao xiang ni.

LIMS ! baby i love you :] says:
wo ye hen xiang ni ;(

jazreeeeeeeel! says:
you teleport back here now okay?

LIMS ! baby i love you :] says:
i wish.. could you help me?

jazreeeeeeeel! says:
i am trying to invent the teleporting machine

LIMS ! baby i love you :] says:
:) okay hehe im going back next week!

jazreeeeeeeel! says:
lol. very long lor.

LIMS ! baby i love you :] says:
7 days only!

jazreeeeeeeel! says:
168 hours

jazreeeeeeeel! says:
:(

LIMS ! baby i love you :] says:
10080 minutes ;(


[ JAZREEL I MISS YOU!! ]

-

I LOVE MY BABYBOY :]

I wish I can eat all the food and chocolates and ice-cream I want, and don't get fat by doing so. I wish I have nicer legs, and smaller arms. I wish I'm a little taller, and a little thinner. I wish I have bigger boobs. I wish I have perfect eyesight. I wish I have a whiter set of teeth. I wish my jawline is not so square-ish. My imperfections - Now you know them all.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

More lovely pictures from Vegas trip.
Please don't mind my big fat arms.























Oh by the way, CONTINUE TO TALK ON THE CELL PHONE FOR AS LONG AS YOU WANT! Because a study showed that there is no link between radio waves and cancer. -http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061205/ap_on_he_me/cell_phone_safety

Oh, we're shifting to a condo in Orchard area.
And ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

I want to eat durian. Yumyum.

ChuiLaam darling, I miss you.. Get well soon <3
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

I know I should be studying and not blogging right now, but I'm seriously dying of boredom. Been spending so much time doing my homework that I seriously am going crazy. I completed my seven page english essay which totaled up to 2100 words. And I finally finished all my four music concert reports. Now the only homework I have left is my two economic essays and my math homeworks. I CANT WAIT FOR THIS SEMESTER TO END. Just one more week left. Seven days. I cant wait to see my darling family, babyboy and dearest friends :)

Was looking at the poll results, and 70% of those who voted would rather be loved more. I think I would want to be loved more too. Because that way, there's a less possibility of getting hurt. Human beings are so selfish, I realized. Actually, just knowing that someone who truly love me, care for me, cherish me exists is a real comfort. Babyboy, thank you for all that you've done for me. I love you more than I love ice-cream!


Oh by the way, I read a news report about a 21-year-old Brazilian model who died of anorexia. She was 174cm tall, but her weight was only 40kg. Can you imagine how skinny she is? And to think she still thought she is fat. She's all skin and bones! Even modelling agencies send her back to Brazil saying that she is too skinny. I think some people are just so psychotic. I would rather be a fat ass bitch who will live for at least 60 years rather than being a skeleton-like bitch who only can live for 21 years. How did she only survive on apples and tomatoes and nothing else? She's seriously sick in the brain.






Tell me, which part of her is fat? Or which part of her even has meat?
Hello, that is NOT hot AT ALL.

This is what I call HOT - Jessica Alba.








REPLIES :D
{ Ru } Yeah I know I havent been going online. Haha sorry!
{ Dexin } Haha missing me like crazy right? Hehehe :D
{ NIcole } I miss you so much more! Where have you been!
{ Jenna } Haha you're forever full of crap lah hehehe.
{ Josh } Yes yes. Haha I cant wait to go back la! Got class chalet?
{ Mel } Aaw HUGS. I miss you so much too dearest best friend..


When you say forever, I believe.
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

Hello hello. I'm here to say that, I won't be blogging very much after today because:
1) I have music and math exam next week, AND
2) I have one seven-page english essay to complete, AND
3) I have two economics essay (five-page each) due, AND
4) A three-page music concert report, AND
5) Final exams is 10 days away!!!

Hahaha wish me luck everyone. I'm so stressed up right now. There's still so much work to do and so much material to study. The only thing I'm looking forward to is the fact that I will be boarding the plane to return to Singapore in 12 days time. I miss my mummy and daddy and my little boyboy Patrick and my lovely boyfriend and my precious girlfriends and my darling S403!

Anyway I signed up for winter and spring semester today.. I will be taking Psychology 1 and Accounting 1 in winter. As for spring, I'm taking Business 1, Philosophy 22, Math 7, Econ 2. Don't know if I should take extra units for spring semester because I only have Business class four 80 minutes on Mondays and Wednesdays. But as for Tuesday and Thursdays, I'll be in school from 9am to 5pm. Haha oh wells.




TADAH, my lovely timetable.
By the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JONATHAN ONG! :D


REPLIES! :D
{ Ru } Bullying you is one of my fav hobby girl. Haha
{ Peishi } What's your new blog address babe?
{ Trina } Glad you had fun on your bday girl. Love you!
{ Josh } You remember my birthday!! Hahaha miss you.
{ Pearlin } You still want the iPod nano? Haha.
{ Jwen } What! Ballroom dancing is nice okay! And I'm updating!
{ Jenna } Hey how are you! So long never talk to you le.
{ Siyu } I got visit your blog one okay! Haha love you.
{ Canphylia } I'd rather spend time with you. Aaw haha!
{ Tyson } Jon?!?! Huh!? Haha crazy! And thanks for the bday wish!
{ Eunice } Thank you sweetheart! :)
{ Eva } Nga explicit la.. Gw anak baik huehuehue.
{ Jayl } Thank you dearie. Haha let's go out soon!!
{ Mich } Thanks for the birthday wish haha lovelove.
{ Mel } Best friend! Thank you for everything. I love you sooooo much. We're going to Venice soon haha! And you are going to come here for university!! Right right right? Haha or come visit me!! We'll have so much fun :)
{ Samng } You always bully me! Haha so mean! When you going US?
{ SamK } Aaw thank you sexy girl. Haha love you.
{ Estelle } Thank you dearie!! How are you?
{ Abby } Thank you darling. See you soon! Miss you!
{ Stef } Haha I know you cant wait to see me again right..
{ WW } Thank you darling! How have you been?!?!
{ Dexin } Thank you dearie.. Having fun in Singapore? Haha.
{ Iris } I miss you too darl! Cant wait for the next SSSSSS outing :)
{ Wenwen } Haha you and your crap!! You skinny girl.


I LOVE MY BABYBOY <3
(Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to)

I love my boyfriend ♥
My life, my soul, my world.
(I chose this skin 'cos of you)


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